I know am late…. But, then people who know me would not expect my New Year blog for another week. And if you are a new comer, welcome to the world of a born procrastinator. Rumour has it that I even was born late.
Back to the new year. Oh no, before that, a few words on the year that went by. Or should it be about the last decade? One third of my life or half of my memories in a blog post! No, it can wait.
2010 a year of booze on road. Tours to Bangalore, Hyderabad, Trichy, Tanjore . . . besides the usual haunt of Pondy! And Delhi - where I spent the past few months.
I stop here, before going on about the costly moments of insanity, the months of freewheeling…
And now, this year. First of all, I can only hope that equality prevails in this democratic country. Why equality? Come on, A. Raja and co owes me a Teachers’ whisky. They deprived the country of Rs 1.76 lakh crore. Now, divide that sum by India’s population and you will know that my share comes to around the cost of a scotch and some snacks!
If you don’t trust me, you can always ask our prime minister, who is known both for his honesty as well his grasp over economics. Thanks to the RTI, if you spend a few rupees and file an RTI application, and his office will tell you the exact amount. Those who are skeptical of the Indian bureaucracy, can then call a press conference and just cast aspersions over his integrity and then the Hamam man will offer to come to your home to answer all the questions you have.
How I wish India had earned that money and I then would have got a bottle of good whisky and welcomed the new year on the road with friends. A new year, which would not filled with boring news about politicians swindling thousands of crores. Imagine, how interesting watching news channels would be if they break news about a minister leaving the bedroom of another leader . And instead of that we just wasted time of hearing what people spoke on phone. Yuck! That is no way titillating or even catching eye balls, buddy.
And ask the IAS aspirants and readers of the great newspaper of Chennai. And wish, in vain, that paper carries some photo of if not Miley Cyrus, at least Freida Pinto – no, absolutely not in a saree. No way. Not at a time when international magazines go the extent of carrying topless photo of even Mandira Bedi !
It is not a typo. She is the same person who used to appear during breaks in cricket matches. Oh, yes, she used to talk about cricket.
It’s not my obsession for such photos that makes my write this, but the very fact that if this is the first sensational news of the year, I wonder what else 2011 has in store! Who next – Rakhi Sawant? I wouldn’t be surprised even if it is some … journalist. (Those who expected the word politician, remember one thing --you all are all perverts. Respect politicians. They are great people who strive night and day… well-wishers who can get you contracts, houses and almost everything under discretionary quota. )
So, a desire this year is to buy something without spending not a single penny. Talking about penny, and not paisa strikes one thought. When so many parties, communities and regions are asking for separate statehood or autonomy or special status or liberation, how come no one is asking for their own currency. How come our great Tamil leaders and language fanatics of other states are not refusing to recognize the new rupee symbol as it is not in their language.
How will it be if the Marathi manoos suddenly demand special currency for Bombay. The currency exchange counter can be at one of the party headquarters and the special currency could be issued only to Mumbaikars Maharashtrians. For, Mumbaikars would include Shah Rukh Khan and Amitabh Bachchan… but the term Maharashtrian would exclude them.
Talking about Bachchan reminds me about his next big film slated for this year. Rumour has it that he will play the lead role in the Hindi adaptation of the chronicles of Narnia. He has agreed to the role of Aslan, saying he has already played the role of a boy and all human forms in earlier films.
And in the real world of lions, I hope this year, instead of referring to tigers as lion, people, oops, sorry, wildlife conservationists will talk about lions and their protections. Mainly for two reasons. One while the tiger is getting all attention, the lions’ TRP ratings are crashing down – and what is the use of letting its number go down first and then cry over it? And more importantly I hear fewer people nowadays using the term sher ka bacha to refer to their children. May be Sidhu should appearing on prime time television.
And I’m sure he will be on TV soon for the cricket world cup. Yes, the world cup, in which fewer than a dozen countries take part and billions of people, join the fielders and rest of the batting team watch a duel between a man chucking a ball on his opponent who, in turn, tries to hit it with a stick. Ok, it is called a bat.
The most interesting match will be, if possible, a semi-final clash between India and Sri Lanka at Eden Gardens. ‘Coz I love the emotional dramas that show tears in the climax.
And India, again, as it has been for the 12 years, will be billed as one of the top teams – i.e, till we start preparing for the next world cup in the middle of this edition. The surprise element expected from the world cup is the accompaniment. If the soccer world cup had the vuezevela, what will the cricket world cup give? Nadaswaram???? I leave it to your imagination.
But then don’t be highly imaginative like Christopher Nolan and try to plant new ideas in my brain. For before you plan that, Hollywood is sure to come up with a weirder films – may be a sci-fi on how to make Angelina Jolie fall in love with you.
And it’s also time one of the Indian born writers created magic and win a prize. And they will come up with a novel that is basically 80 per cent reporting and 20 percent imagination or a huge book that can be read only if you have a dictionary by it.
What else do I expect from this year -- a lot, but would leave you all with a major expectation. Hope I am in Chennai during the polls. Even otherwise, I must get a few thousands. Arre yaar, don’t you remember the words: Aapka vote bahut kimti hai!
And am already late for office…
Happy new year
0 comments:
Post a Comment