30-31-32

The early 30s is a very awkward age. Trust me, and if you don't, ask anyone who is 31. It's an age you don't know where you belong to. Especially, those who are single.

You are nearing the age, by which you wanted to achieve all the goals, but suddently one day wake up and find yourself in the middle of a desert and don't know how long it will be before you cross it. With several of your acquaintances, even classmates you considered dud, having settled abroad and some others resigning to fate, ending up wih their father's business, leaving all their ambitions, you feel standing alone.

OK, why this frustration now? Last week, you should have read the pot shots taken on Twitter at that young-looking middle age man, Rahul Gandhi, on his 40^th birthday and realised that it is not even 10 years left for you.

Recently, on the road, I saw a 17-18-year-old girl coming from the opposite direction. As our eyes met, and I wanted to continue not only looking at her eyes, but lips and ... I felt a pair of eyes. Oh, is that a warning glance from the woman, who looked like her mother? So, I turned away. But I thought something was not right and when I saw her, I felt it was not a look of caution. Just the eyes of a woman – a woman looking at a man!

Not that I have never ogled a girl and her mother at the same time, or that I have not thought of something more pervert, but this was the first time, I was facing such an awkward moment, and even I felt embarased.

This put me in a big existential crisis – where do I belong?

Already many of my friends who are in mid-20s have been calling me an oldie ever since I turned 30, and use that as a reason to not introduce their women friends to me, those older to me snub and chase me away calling me a young boy.

Worse is that even some who are of my age and are married and have kids, call me a jobless guy, with nothing better to do. The only time they need me is after a fight at home when they want someone to booze with, and more importantly one who will silently listen to their long saga.

Now why am I say thing? Because last week I saw a tweet welcoming Rahul Gandhi to middle age. If he is middle aged, then I am apporaching there – it seems like only yesterday we cycled into college, and suddenlty I realise that it has been ten years..- and what have I achieved till now?

In out chief minister's style of telling everything without directly doing so, I can easily say that had I been a lover of poems, I would used the words “The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep”. But since I am not one, I would simpley say my goals just give me sleepless nights.

While earlier, the thoughts of my goals would make me sit though the nights with books in hand or with laptop in front of me... now they only make me anxious, and filled with apprehensions, I go numb and do nothing for the next couple of days ... even not read news papers.

Are these symptoms of anything in particular?

At office, especially if you are a person who does not mingle much (which you invariably become because you are confused about whom to talk to, as all are preoccupied), you will be seen as a man with a mission and be respected. Yes, only respect, not flirting, mind you. For, you are a serious man with a mission.

Not only the girls you used to look at have got married, but even their younger sisters have kids now and they now look at you as if shouting to you: 'Loser'.

The girls you went out with are also married and seem to thank god for the break-up with the guy who 'still has not grown up'.

Old classmates who once wanted to hook me up with of their pretty friends, now ask you to wait for someone to get divorced!

And the neighbours and famly friends start seeing you as a hopeless case, and start nagging about you future plans... may be I have to endure this for another 5-6 years before they label me as 'no hope' case.

At least Rahul has a family propert to look after, so he need not worry. But what do I have?

So, when I think let me make a fresh start and change my career' and want to take life seriously, then comes the toughest question. Everyone close starts looking very suspiciously and even the cloest friend calls it a silly idea and an immature thing to do.

In India, and more importantly in a city like Chennai, where your closed ones try to influence every decision you make, how could one tell that even people like Sylvester Stallone changed his carreer after 30.

“Are you Stallone? He is a Hollywood actor. Don't compare with him,” comes the reply from every lip.

So you are left with only one choice!

They say, you can not fool everybody everytime... and why do I need to do that. I will just try to fool some people some time, putting up an image of a man with a mission. In another few years, either they will learn to put up with me or I will learn some other trick/lie... It's all about a few years before either they start repecting a middle aged man or will throw out a totally no-hope person?

Either way, I will have company, not like now when I am caught in an embarrasing age, and only middle-age women will look at me – at least i would not be tempted to look at their daughters, for fear of losing everything.

******

Footnotes

*Ok, guys, I admit am not as smart looking as you guys are, but remember in the country of the bling, the one eyed is the king ...

* A friend of mine says the Congress is not Rahul's ancestral property, and that he is only a general secretary of the political party.

*A girl says it is too pervert and over assuming of me to think that a woman would have looked at me, when she was with her daughter. To which, I have a simple reply: Yes. So I would feel better if the daughter returns from college in the evening and the mother goes to market in afternoon... I am free at both times.

* SB says it is blasphemous (blasphemous?) and a slur on Indian culture to say that married woman looked at men. -- no, SB is not married, and now he is afraid of married, because he might have to introduce people like us to his wife. OK, like mathematicians, let's assume that I did not write this – so you never got to read this!

*GJ says communism talks about sharing of joy and equal distribution of wealth. Sorry, I won't tell you where I saw the girl.

*NA asks whether I was referring to him when i talked about married men. I want to assure him again that I was only talking about men.

*CS wants to knpw how to pretend to be a man with a mission. Rs 10,000 course fee. And, no you won't get laid by pretending that way!

*Why did I write this? Ask LP, - no, id does not mean liposuction (NA, don't get ideas reading this word, this has nothing to do with lips, or sucking)

*GS- I am not responding to you, because you neither read this, nor asked any question.